By Frank Ghinassi, Ph.D.
Tom Waits, a masterful and wry song
writer and musician - and closet academic researcher on the human condition - once
wrote, “I’m disheveled, I’m disdainful, I’m distracted and it’s painful." It is my unconfirmed belief that Mr. Waits was fully aware that stress,
in all its forms, is as much a part of human existence as breathing, and every
bit as essential.
Whether it’s the
shoelace that breaks as we race to leave the hotel room for a job interview, the
perpetual balancing act of work deadlines and children’s soccer, or the futile racing
to catch the morning train, stress is a reminder that we are alive, engaged and activated.
So why do so many of us approach
stress with all of the enthusiasm of a trip to a long delayed double root canal
procedure? I’ll contend it’s all in our
head, literally, traced to the expectations, interpretations, and conclusions
we continuously create in the microseconds of our daily activities, choices and
encounters.
Stress is a propellant for
engagement in the stuff of life, it moves us off the dime and offers us the
need to change, adapt and respond. But how we experience it, now that is a
different story all together.
- We are not
in control of some of the
realities of life; think taxes, rain, asteroids, mortality and the Pittsburgh
Pirates.
- We are in
control of many of the realities
of life; think schools to which we apply, concerts we attend, jobs we interview
for, friends we engage, sports we play, hobbies we pursue, and the food we eat.
- We are in
control of all of the choices we
make in each moment to assess the circumstances around and within us, to evaluate
the options available and to select a cognitive
interpretation or an opinion about the meaning of the facts best suited
to maximize the return on investment for our efforts. Examples include:
- Reframing a
frustrating situation, “traffic to and from work is horrible” vs. “time spent
in traffic to and from work is perfect for audio books, or hands free phone
calls with friends and family”
- Thinking
strategically not tactically, “I did not get the office I deserved at work ;it’s
unfair and disrespectful” vs. “I have the job I negotiated for at work, at
nearly the salary I wanted, the office would have been gravy but is small
potatoes in the important scheme of things”
- Accepting that
“the perfect is the enemy of the good”, humans are imperfect and prone to
hardware and software glitches….forgive them and ourselves and move on
- Acknowledging
that “we don’t control the behavior of others, but do completely control our
thoughts, feeling and actions regarding their behaviors”
Another wry and
masterful writer, and closet academic researcher on the human condition,
once penned “Why then tis true to me
that there is nothing either good nor bad but thinking makes it so”….a gem of
an idea really, and for that matter, the play in which the line was contained,
Hamlet, wasn’t half bad either.
